Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
