Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
