why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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