woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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