today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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