i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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