Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
