No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize