I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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