Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
