So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
