Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
