And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
