party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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