can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
