Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
