I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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