Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
