omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
