when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
