I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize