do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize