yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
