No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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