I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
