i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
