I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
