omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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