Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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