Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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