right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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