I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
