Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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