I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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