It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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