I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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