I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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