He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
