I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
