Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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