U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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