hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
