apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
