And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
