she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
