Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize