yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
