Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
