I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
