I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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