Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
