farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
