It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
