We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you never un-have a 4some
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
