I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
