I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
