i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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