Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i think my cat just said my name.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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