I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
