I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
