Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to calm my uterus...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
