mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
