I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
