I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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