i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
