he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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