You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
