dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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