I just saw a hot homeless man
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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