he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
