Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
