She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
