my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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