Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
