My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize