Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
