he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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