Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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