New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
