Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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